A Pleasant Surprise!

So after my big fat negative pregnancy test last week on day 25, I decided to test again before I went away for my girls weekend (day 28). Again, it was negative.

So off I trot on my weekend getaway, plying myself with wine and cheese, ready to forget about it all and let my hair down with my girlfriends.

All weekend I was waiting for Aunt Flo to arrive. Only getting annoyed as each day passed because I just wanted my new cycle to begin so I could start trying again.

Back home and still no sign. Monday morning arrives and I figure I’ll do another test. I have plenty in the cupboard and at least when I get another negative result, I can stop thinking about it. At least for the day.

Now, you could have knocked me down with a feather, IT WAS POSITIVE!

So off I went that afternoon to visit my GP and get a blood test. A phone call the next day confirmed that I was definitely pregnant. Yipppeeeeee

Now, after having 2 miscarriages (prior to falling pregnant with Nate), the obstetrician did lots of tests and couldn’t find anything obvious that may have caused the losses. All they found was that I had a lower than ideal level of progesterone in my body. So when I became pregnant with our 2nd son, I was told to use progesterone pessaries every night to help my body support and hold on to the pregnancy. We have no way of knowing if that was the reason I was able to maintain the pregnancy but other than being annoying and painfully expensive, it didn’t hurt any.

So back to the present, I call my obstetrician straight away to see if I should start the progesterone right away. Unfortunately, he was away on holiday (which is well deserved with the hours he works, although inconvenient for me). So I was put in touch with the alternate obstetrician who requested I have another blood test to check that my HCG levels were increasing. So off I go for another blood test. After which I looked like a drug addict with horrible bruising inside both my arms!

I waited on tenterhooks to see if this pregnancy might be a reality. We left for our family holiday to Noosa, QLD and I still hadn’t heard back from the Doctor. Finally, at 4 pm on Friday (after assuming I wouldn’t know anything until after the weekend), I got the call. My HCG levels had doubled which was a great sign and he wanted me to start the progesterone ASAP. So I had to break it to him that I was now up in Noosa. So we both start googling pharmacies nearby and with the wonder of email and a little fib to my hubby, off I went to the local chemist before they closed.

Now, this is the part that many might not agree with. But I decided to keep the pregnancy a secret. Even from my husband. After knowing how stressed he was the last 4 times I found out I was pregnant and during the early weeks, I figured the longer I could keep it a secret, the easier it would be for both of us. It means telling a few white lies along the way but I’m hoping that he will understand and forgive me when the time comes to tell him.

So right now we are halfway through our holiday and I think I have managed pretty well so far. There are plenty of little things that could give me away. But as much as I love my husband, he does only seem to see things that are right in front of him so I think I’m pretty safe.

At this stage, I hope to keep it a secret from him until I have an early scan at around 7 weeks. Hopefully, everything will be looking perfect and I can give him the good news with excitement and not anxiety.

Don’t get me wrong, if in the heartbreaking event that I lose this baby, there is no way I could manage alone and I would definitely tell him. It’s just that at this early point, there is honestly nothing he can do so why cause him unnecessary stress? I am nervous and stressed enough for both of us.

So right now I have my fingers crossed. Every time I go to the bathroom there is that split second of panic before I see if there is any blood, then the relief when there is none. It’s going to be a long hard couple of weeks but I’m thankful for them because it means I am pregnant, a privilege denied to many. So I welcome the stress with open arms.

The other thing I have learnt about myself is that I am stronger when I don’t get sympathy. If I tell my hubby now, I feel like I will automatically start whinging about being tired, the sore boobs, having to use the horrible pessaries, that I can’t drink and so on. But not letting anyone know I am pregnant makes me pull on my big girl pants and just soldier on.

Next post I’ll share the white lies, tips and tricks that I had to utilise in order to keep the pregnancy a secret!

Love to you + your tribe

Casey xx