Baby Bennett #2: Pregnancy and Birth

Our precious Nate

So, it was our third time lucky, that after two miscarriages we managed to hold onto this pregnancy. As expected, the first trimester was fraught with anxiety and nerves however everything seemed to be on track. A viability scan at eight weeks showed a good heartbeat and size. Harmony test at 10 weeks came back with the lowest risk possible and the accompanying scan showed a normal growing baby.

At the 12 week scan though, they detected an abnormally large Nuchal Fold. This is the fold at the back of the neck that before the invention of the Harmony test, was used as a diagnostic tool to detect the risk factor of your baby having a chromosomal abnormality. This had everyone worried however the fact that the Harmony test had all come back with good results, left us a bit confused.

The decision was to wait (with bated breath) until a scan at 21 weeks when hopefully the nuchal fold measurement would be back within normal range and we could forget about it.

These nine weeks were tough. I had to start telling people I was pregnant as 2nd time around, the bump was showing a lot earlier. We had to tell Alexander as well which was nerve-wracking. The thought of “what would we tell him?” if anything went wrong now, was a scary one. But try as we could, we just got on with life and hoped for the best.

At the 21 week scan, the nuchal fold was still abnormally large. We were told that although the Harmony test is very good at detecting the possibility of certain chromosomal conditions, it did only look at the most common ones. We were recommended to have an Amniocentesis to give us a better idea of what we were facing.

With this came a flood of emotions and hard questions. What if there was absolutely nothing wrong with the baby but the Amnio caused us to miscarry? What if we didn’t have it? Could we cope for another 19 weeks not knowing, but constantly wondering? If a condition was confirmed, were we capable of looking after this baby? What about Alexander, how would he cope with a “high needs” sibling? Could we ever bring ourselves to terminate? The questions went on and on….

In the end, we decided to have the Amnio as the stress of not knowing, seemed too much to bear. The day came and I couldn’t stop crying. How did we know if we had made the right decision? We had decided that no matter what the outcome, we needed to know. Therefore, giving us a chance to make an informed decision about what to do and also to learn the absolute most we could about whatever condition may or may not be present.

The Amnio itself was not pleasant. How could it be when a needle bigger than a chopstick is being forced inside your uterus to collect amniotic fluid? But the aching, cramping and worry that consumed the following days were much worse than the procedure itself. I wouldn’t wish anything like this on anyone, ever.

But lucky for us (and we certainly know how lucky we are) all the results came back as low risk. Just as the Harmony test had. We also managed to maintain the pregnancy without a miscarriage. But the question of why the nuchal fold was so big still concerned the doctors. It was decided that it was most likely a cardiac condition.

Great!!! Something else to worry about. This time we had to wait another 6 weeks until the 28-week mark to see a fetal cardiologist. This is because the baby needs to be big enough to see all the inner workings of the heart. Need I say it, another stressful, awful wait.

Finally, at 28 weeks I went to the cardiac specialist and would you believe it, he couldn’t find a single thing wrong! How lucky could I be! He said that there were still many conditions that he was unable to check for, but that they weren’t immediately life-threatening and could be diagnosed after the baby was born. My fear of this baby being rushed off to special care straight after it was born, were significantly reduced. Phew!

So finally after 28 weeks, we could breathe a sigh of relief and start to enjoy the pregnancy.

The next 11 weeks went by relatively smoothly. When prompted by the Obstetrician to decide whether I wanted to try a VBAC or schedule a caesarean, I was honest and said that I didn’t know if I could handle trying for a VBAC, then ending up with another emergency caesarean. He was happy to support me with either decision but suggested that maybe I had had enough stress already this pregnancy and that a scheduled caesarean would be the most controlled and relaxed way to bring this little ray of sunshine into the world.

I wholeheartedly agreed. He also knew the trouble I had with Alexander in the months after he was born and thought a less stressful birth may give us both a better start to our relationship.

Now I know some of you will not agree with this choice and everybody’s experience is different. But it was certainly the right decision for me. I was so worried about what some people would think that I actually told everyone the reason for the scheduled caesarean, was that the baby was breach. This was a white lie but I felt it stopped everyone from giving me their opinions. I have no qualms in telling the truth now though as it was the right choice for us.

The birth was so lovely. I had a date booked and a specified time to arrive at the hospital. My mum was able to have Alexander for the night prior. There was no screaming or crying or labour pains. Only hopeful anticipation. The caesarean went smoothly and I cannot tell you the weight that was lifted from my shoulders when he was finally born and seemed to be as healthy as you could get. All that stress and those tests were for nothing and I couldn’t have asked for a better result!

My recovery from the scheduled caesarean was so much better than from the emergency also. My body hadn’t laboured for hours on end only to be cut open in a hurry. This time my wound healed quicker and I was able to focus solely on my newest little man and building our relationship.

I also didn’t mention that early on, after our Harmony test we had found out we were having another boy. This was quite different to the surprise we had with Alexander. Both ways had their benefits but for me, knowing the gender helped me to bond more with my unborn child and I think that also helped to get us off to a better start.

With love to you + your tribe

Casey xxx